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To read an excerpt "Myth of Desire," which presents a very different view of desire than in the book The Secret, click here.

Short Excerpts from Anatomy of Desire

The most obvious component of desire is thought. Desire is a thought. It is the thought: “I want….” But it is also more than just this thought. It is a special kind of thought that has the power to move us because it becomes associated with emotions, the second component of desire, and finally with drive, the third component, which has the potential to result in action. Desire is a particular kind of thought that is more compelling than most other thoughts because it has emotions and drive attached to it.

To the ego, success is satisfaction of its desires. Being able to make life comply with its desires is its strongest desire and its biggest fantasy. It doesn’t seem to notice that life rarely does conform to our desires, even when we do everything that is supposed to bring us what we desire. That doesn’t keep the ego from desiring and pursuing what it desires. Desires structure most people’s lives because most people listen to their thoughts and act on their desires, most of which come from the ego.

Having desires and dreams gives the ego something to do. It gives our life structure. What will I do today? I’ll go after what I want. End of story. No need for further questioning. They also keep us focused on the mental world, where plans are made for getting what we want and fantasies are created that drive those plans forward. All this mental activity keeps our attention off the deeper questions and gives us a pseudo reason for being. It would be one thing if this strategy brought us happiness, but its lack of success at doing this eventually causes us to question the value of our desires. If life isn’t about desire-fulfillment, then what is it about?

While there is no freedom from desiring, because desiring will exist as long as we are human, it is possible to become free from needing to have our desires met.

When you see that the I is the ego and not who you really are, it puts wanting in perspective. Wanting is forever coming out of the ego. If you give your attention to it, you will be chasing one desire after another. The ego is in the business of manufacturing desires. There is no real rhyme or reason to what it desires; it wants one thing and then another. Often, it wants opposite things (e.g. “I want a relationship and I want to be independent.”) It wants whatever it thinks of or whatever it sees. People are designed to want. It is automatic and not meaningful.

Giving up your desires is nothing more than giving up a thought of wanting. Giving up your thoughts of wanting simply means not giving them your attention—ignoring them. These thoughts have never helped you be happier or even helped you get what you thought you wanted. Wanting is not valuable, so giving up wanting is giving up nothing except for your suffering. Are you willing to give up your suffering? That is a question worth examining because, the truth is, the ego doesn’t want to give up its suffering because it has no purpose without suffering.

To be happy regardless of what is happening requires choosing certain desires over others. Essentially, it requires choosing what essence wants over what the ego wants. Finding happiness is not so much a matter of giving up desires but giving your attention to the right ones. If you desire what essence wants—peace, happiness, love, contentment, and joy—above all other desires, then you will have them. We choose what we desire by giving our attention to it. What are you giving your attention to? That is what you desire. Are you sure that is what you really want?

Choosing essence is simply a matter of putting our attention on essence’s qualities—love, peace, joy, acceptance, and contentment—rather than on the ego (the I), its thoughts, desires, fantasies, beliefs, opinions, and on the feelings that arise from these.

If we didn’t automatically accept our thoughts as true, we would soon discover how false most of them are and how contradictory they often are. We don’t examine our thoughts because we are like a fish in water when it comes to them: They are so much a part of us that we don’t see them objectively. Realizing that your thoughts don’t belong to you and don’t represent the real you frees you to discover that there is something else to identify with that is not the egoic mind. Once you start questioning the egoic mind, you begin to see that something else is living your life.

Although the mind is sometimes used by essence, it is primarily used by the ego. So, if you are listening to your thoughts and acting on them, you are probably allowing your ego to guide your life, rather than essence. What is this mind that has so much power to rule us and structure our lives? Why do we listen to it and believe what it says? Why do we mistake ourselves for this mind, when we are clearly more than that? What, after all, is it that is aware of the mind? What is this Awareness, or Consciousness, that observes everything, even thoughts. Who is this observer, this Awareness? Is it even a who or is it something vaster? Does this Awareness have a location or a boundary? These are questions that can help you realize your true nature, for you are not the mind, your thoughts, your beliefs, your desires, or your feelings. You have these—they arise and fall within your body/mind—but you are that which is aware of this mental activity and so much more.

We long for what we don’t have because we believe that having it will finally bring us peace and happiness. We don’t realize that the lack of peace and happiness we are feeling is actually a result of desiring what we don’t have. The desire is the cause of our unhappiness, not the fact that the desire is unfulfilled.

It is exhausting to be wanting so constantly and so strongly. If you give a lot of attention to the ego’s wanting, it increases, and so does your suffering. By giving the ego’s wanting less attention, you decrease your suffering. Furthermore, when your attention is being given to the ego’s wanting, it is not being given to something more fulfilling and true.

Seeking happiness is different from choosing happiness. Seeking is just more of the ego doing what it does. Choosing happiness means choosing something other than the ego and its seeking. It means choosing to be in this moment just as it is and not run from it or try to change it. It is a decision to love what is instead of rejecting it, thinking about it, or ignoring it. Loving what is, is just allowing it to be the way it is—for now, because that will soon change.

It is really possible to enjoy life no matter what is happening because the only one here who is not enjoying life is the ego. There is something else that is enjoying it immensely, and you are That!

The belief that our desires and dreams are meaningful is a core assumption we rarely question. We can’t become free from the domination of the egoic mind without questioning this core assumption because desires and dreams are key thoughts, which keep us tied to the egoic mind and keep us busy with plans for getting what we want. They also generate a majority of our feelings: When our desires and dreams are getting met, we are happy and confident; when they aren’t, we are unhappy, sad, angry, ashamed, and fearful.

Gratitude is the antidote to desire. While desire sees lack, gratitude sees abundance. Desiring is a subtle way of complaining about what is, while gratitude is rejoicing in what is. These are very different states of consciousness. Which state would you prefer to live in? You always have a choice. Desiring is our default position, so it takes awareness and willingness to be grateful rather than to desire something different. It is so easy to desire—too easy. It is much more difficult to find the place of gratitude and stay there because, for one thing, it means we have much less to do!

If we didn’t have our desires to run after, what would we do? If we were satisfied with life as it is, what would we do? The ego considers contentment dangerous because it equates it with being lazy, and that is the message it will give you to try to move you out of the place of gratitude. The ego can’t exist in this place. It is defunct, useless, out of a job. It loses all significance.

For this reason, gratitude can change your life. It can change what you do and how you do things. Who would think that something so simple as gratitude could be so powerful? The ego’s existence is built around steering us away from this amazing force, which is at the core of our being. Gratitude is the ongoing experience of essence, and it is powerfully transformative. It can transform us from an unhappy person to a happy one, from a selfish person to a loving one, and from a restless person to a peaceful one. It turns out that gratitude feels much better than desiring. It is a much better choice, but not necessarily an easier one.

Reviews

“In her book, Anatomy of Desire, Gina Lake dissects and analyzes the components of desire and the consequences of following it blindly. While most books about finding happiness tell you how to fulfill your desires, Gina tells you how to look beyond your desires to find happiness already present as your own nature.

Throughout, Gina repeatedly contrasts the ego, or the false self, with essence, or the real Self. The false self, which is formed and perpetuated by attachment to ever-changing desires and thoughts of who we are, has no reality. It's a fictional self that has no existence outside of the story we tell ourselves. The real Self, on the other hand, is awareness, which is the unchanging witness to the fictional narrative. Gina provides many insights on how to recognize the characteristic traits, differences, and drives of each. But, the enlightening analysis and distinctions are not all that Gina has to offer. More importantly, she tells you how to focus on and rest in your true identity. Her guiding assurance that essence is who you really are is the most valuable message in the book.

Essence, as she uses the term, is synonymous with the Heart. In the tradition of the highly influential sage Ramana Maharshi, she places great emphasis on the Heart, and she devotes an entire chapter to its qualities. Turning to the Heart and identifying its intimate presence as one's own nature can be a direct fast lane to spiritual understanding. As Gina says, you can tell whether or not someone is speaking from the Heart. The presence of its joyous power and subtle lure is unmistakable, and that presence is evident in these pages. They resonate with the authenticity and vitality of personal experience.” –Dennis Trunk

"In Anatomy of Desire, Gina Lake intimately dissects the entire landscape of desire and skillfully points us to the Reality that is beyond all fantasy. In a well written, grounded, and pragmatic manner, she guides us to awaken from the ego’s endless cravings and invites us to discover the uncaused joy of the Heart." –Katie Davis, author of Awake Joy

“I am so grateful to have found these books in this period of my life. Anatomy of Desire and Radical Happiness have been penetrating my cells, bringing many insights and new essential questions. The exercises presented in these two books are supporting the process of choosing to be on "automatic" or not. We or the mind or the ego can't escape in front of this clear Mirror of Truth, and what joy when the ego can surrender... for a while... to Essence. The map to return to that true Joy is to be found within these pages, as they are offering a new sacred perspective of what Life is about. A precious gift for any longing soul. Gratitude for these words of wisdom. My soul rejoices.” – Parimal Danielle Tonossi

"I love this little book. In Anatomy of Desire, Gina Lake explodes the popular cultural myth that desire fulfillment leads to happiness. In it, she states that 'while there is no freedom from desiring, because desiring will exist as long as we are human, it is possible to become free from needing our desires to be met." The practical information in this book demystifies desire and helped me to distinguish between the fear-driven desires of the ego and the urges of essence. Anatomy of Desire is an easy, quick read that has had a lasting impact on me. I highly recommend it along with all of Gina's other wonderful books." –Laura Katleman-Prue

Short Excerpts from Anatomy of Desire

Reviews

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