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Radical Happiness Blog

Offering ongoing support for spiritual awakening and living in the moment

Not Being Able to Commit

From Choosing Love: Moving from Ego to Essence in Relationships (formerly called Loving in the Moment)
The ego doesn't want to commit to anything—a place, a relationship, a career—because it believes that something better may be possible, and it's willing to forgo what is present for the possibility of something better that isn't present. Essence, on the other hand, is committed to whatever is. It doesn't commit into the future because all that exists is the present, so it commits itself to that. This is the essential difference between the ego and Essence: The ego dreams of something better in the midst of whatever is, while Essence simply enjoys and commits attention and love to whatever is. In fact, committing attention to anything that is present results in enjoyment. This is why the ego enjoys so little—it commits attention to what isn't present and to what it doesn't have, and suffers over that, rather than committing attention to whatever is. It loves its fantasies, dreams, and desires more than it loves reality.

To love, we have to fall in love with reality, with what's true right now, not with what might be true in the future or with what we want to be true in the future. Love happens in the present moment (like everything, really). That's why the ego doesn't know about love—because love is the experience of being in the present moment, and as soon as the ego experiences the present moment, it runs from it. Commitment takes a willingness to fall in love with reality, with the real partner who is in front of you, rather than seek something else, either actually or through fantasy. What you commit to is what's here right now. Who knows what will be here next? All you ever really have is what's here right now, so it makes sense to commit to that, to give your full attention, your love, to that.

Those who have difficulty committing to a relationship often have difficulty committing to other things as well because they have an underlying belief, or misunderstanding, that what's here isn't good enough and what's somewhere else is better. This is the ego's basic assumption about life: Whatever is happening now isn't it. It is somewhere else, with it being ultimate happiness and contentment. The ego assumes it is elsewhere, because the ego perceives whatever is happening as not good enough, and it concludes that must mean there's something else that will be good enough. It imagines one day it will find peace and happiness because life will finally line up correctly. Those who can't commit are waiting for life to line up, fall into place, and they're quite sure that what they imagine life will look like then won't look like whatever life looks like now.

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Inspiration for Today

“The ego would like to think it can control your state and your spiritual progress. But something much more mysterious is in control of this, and it is very wise and having exactly the experience it wants to have through you. You are co-creating with this mysterious will, but your choices have only so much impact on your spiritual unfoldment. One of the most important choices you can make is to choose to believe that the experience you are having is the right experience.”

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Free Online Retreat About Nonduality, Jesus, and the Christian Tradition

Join Gina Lake on Sunday, April 20th in a free, live, online retreat along with Francis Bennett and David Alsobrook for an open-minded and open-hearted exploration of the meeting ground between nondual spiritual teachings and those of Jesus and the Christian religion. For more details and to register: www.living-from-love.com. You can invite your Facebook friends at this event page:


Gina's talk, more specifically, is titled "Jesus Is Here Today." Jesus is here today and active in the world, behind the scenes, through anyone who is connected to him and teaching the Truth. The Truth is the truth of our inherent divinity and our capacity to express that in the world and thereby transform the world. Jesus was here to change the world, and so are we. Gina will discuss her personal connection with Jesus and the role he played in her latest book Choice and Will. Christ is also here today in potential through the divinity of everyone.


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Slowing Down

From Stress to Stillness is on sale until April in all ebook stores for $.99. And if you buy the ebook, you can get an audiobook of this 8-hour book for only $1.99 at audible.com.

Slowing down is key to living a more heart-centered life, because shifting gears helps us shift our consciousness and become more present. In fact, it’s quite impossible to shift out of the ego without slowing down. We can’t be present and live as Presence and still rush around, glued to our cell phone while trying to do six other things at once. When you know Presence, you don’t even want to live like that, because you realize that you won’t stay present for long if you do.

The biggest stumbling block to slowing down is the perception that we won’t have enough time to do everything we need to do. But slowing down can actually leave us with more time, not less. Hurrying is counterproductive because it’s stressful. Stress creates emotions, and emotions are exhausting and take time to process or cope with. To deal with stress, we might stop at a bakery for a cupcake, call a friend to complain to, or go on a shopping spree. The ways we cope with stress take up time! Hurrying also makes us more prone to mistakes and accidents, and you know what those do to your plans. Besides, hurrying doesn’t feel good. So how is hurrying good?

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