Behind every emotional complex lie a number of mistaken beliefs that need to be erased or reprogrammed. This is done by first getting in touch with the mistaken beliefs and then replacing them with a truer perspective. Once the falseness of these beliefs is seen and they are replaced with a truer perspective, the emotional energy that they generated, which also held them in place, dissipates. Then, new behaviors become established based on this new perspective, and the healing is complete.

These complexes are what get triggered by other people’s conditioning. Conditioning triggers conditioning, and that is ultimately how everyone’s conditioning gets healed. When an issue is triggered, it usually causes an automatic emotional response. Any number of negative emotions gets triggered and usually more than one, which is why it is called a complex. It is made up of many hidden beliefs that trigger a variety of emotions. Unless these beliefs are investigated, the usual circumstances will continue to trigger the conditioning. Furthermore, the more this complex is triggered, the more entrenched and automatic the emotional responses become. The responses become habitual, and habits aren’t so easy to break. To break this cycle takes a conscious choice and willingness to investigate the mistaken beliefs behind the feelings.

Beliefs like these are sad and inaccurate conclusions the ego came to when it faced disappointment, disillusionment, and pain. They are a story the ego told about an event, and it became attached to that story and created an identity around of it. It concluded something that wasn’t true, but it believed its conclusion. To admit that its story isn’t true is very difficult for the ego. It is very attached to its point of view and doesn’t want it questioned or examined. The ego will come up with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn’t bother to investigate your feelings and your beliefs. The ego will try to talk you out of doing this because it doesn’t want you to see the truth because if you do, you won’t need the ego and the identities it gives you.

Once these beliefs are seen as false, they stop driving your behavior, and then more positive beliefs can begin to drive your behavior. Some literally disappear, never to appear again. Others remain but are a mere shadow of their former self, without the ability to convince you. Eventually, they too will disappear if you don’t decide to resurrect them. What allows you to see these beliefs is an attitude of curiosity, gentleness, compassion, and acceptance. In just being with the emotions that are tied to them, they reveal themselves quietly, intuitively one by one.

Being with an emotion is an act of not doing: You don’t think about the emotion and you don’t act on it. You just wait, listen, and receive. You are very present to it, as if that is all that exists in the world. You give your full attention to it, without an agenda and without straining or trying. You bring gentleness, curiosity, and acceptance to it, which allows the beliefs to be revealed. What you are looking for is not so much a thought but a knowing—an insight that pops into your awareness, which may have an image or a sensation attached to it. Intuitions often come in the form of images or sensations, which deliver a sense of knowing, which you then translate into words. The longer you sit with an emotion, the more beliefs are likely to be revealed because the beliefs are linked together, just as the emotions are. This complex will continue to unravel over time as you continue to see the truth about it and replace your old behaviors with new ones.

From Getting Free: How to Move Beyond Conditioning and Be Happy