When someone we know is going through something difficult, we often feel that we have to think about their situation, worry about it, tell people about it, complain about it, be angry or afraid about it, or even cry about it. This is the ego’s version of compassion, but this is not compassion, but sympathy. One of the dictionary definitions of sympathy is “a relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other.”

Sympathy is the ego’s version of compassion, but sympathy is a poor substitute for compassion. Suffering over someone else’s suffering isn’t actually compassionate. It puts the sympathetic person in the same boat with the person who is having difficulty, and that makes the sympathetic person less likely to be of help to the person in difficulty. The sympathetic ego joins the other person in his or her suffering, which reinforces the ego’s view that whatever happened or is happening is terrible and shouldn’t be the way that it is.

The perspective that something shouldn’t be the way that it is, is not only untrue (reality is the way it is), but not helpful to anyone. If something is, then asserting that it shouldn’t be just keeps us stuck in anger and sadness, and those feelings don’t help anyone get through difficult times. And as unpleasant or unfortunate as something might be, asserting that it is terrible and focusing on that only reinforces the experience of “This is terrible!” Even in difficult times, it is possible to feel the acceptance and joy that Essence has in the experience you are having and to experience Essence’s support throughout that experience. The ego sees things in black and white—terrible and wonderful—but life is more complex than that; every experience is “a mixed bag.”

Healing comes from moving out of the ego’s point of view into a more complete view, the view of Essence. Those in difficulty need the perspective of Essence, the perspective that “this too shall pass” and that whatever is being experienced can serve their growth and be used for good. They need help in seeing their way through the difficulty to the other side—to peace and acceptance. They need to be pointed to the truth that we are evolving toward being more loving and wise, and our experiences are designed to evolve us in these ways. We can take the ego’s low road of anger, hatred, sadness, and fear, but it won’t take us where we really want to go. Acceptance is the key that unlocks the door to Essence. In difficult times, we are particularly challenged to accept. Times like these, in fact, teach us acceptance.

Life is good. It brings us what we need to evolve and return Home to our true nature, which is compassionate, loving, wise, and at peace with life. The compassion of Essence accepts life and reaches out to bring others into acceptance and also offers itself in practical service when appropriate.

Definition of sympathy: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, 2000, Houghton Mifflin Company.