When someone we know is going through something difficult, we often feel we have to think about their situation, worry about it, tell people about it, complain about it, be angry or afraid about it, or even cry about it. That is the ego's version of compassion. However, that isn't compassion, but rather sympathy. One of the definitions of sympathy is: “a relationship or an affinity between people or things in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other.” (The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, 2000, Houghton Mifflin Company.)

Sympathy is the ego's version of compassion, but sympathy is a poor substitute for compassion. Suffering over someone else's suffering isn't actually compassionate. It puts the sympathetic person in the same boat with the person who is having difficulty, and that makes the sympathetic person less likely to be of help to the person in difficulty. The sympathetic ego joins the other person in his or her suffering, which reinforces the ego's view that whatever happened or is happening is terrible and shouldn't be the way it is.

The perspective that something shouldn't be the way it is, is not only untrue (reality is the way it is), but unhelpful. If something is, then asserting that it shouldn't be just keeps us stuck in anger and sadness, and those feelings don't help us get through challenging times. And as unpleasant or unfortunate as something might be, asserting that it is terrible and focusing on that only reinforces and maintains the experience of it being terrible. Even in difficult times, it's possible to feel Essence's acceptance of an experience and the support it has to offer. The ego sees things in black and white: terrible and wonderful. But life is more complex than that. Every experience is “a mixed bag.”

Acceptance and healing come from moving out of the ego's limited point of view into a more complete view, Essence's view. When we are experiencing difficulties, we need Essence's perspective, the perspective that “this too shall pass” and that whatever is being experienced can serve our growth and be used for good.

Our experiences can make us more loving and wise, and they are often designed to do that. Or we can take the ego's low road of anger, hatred, sadness, and fear, but doing that won't take us where we want to go. Acceptance is the key that unlocks the door to Essence. In difficult times, we are particularly challenged to accept whatever life has brought us. Such times, in fact, often teach us acceptance because the alternative is unbearable.

The compassionate response to those going through difficulties is not to agree with a perspective that increases their suffering, but to offer them a truer, more positive perspective, one that will help them connect with Essence and grow as a result of their challenges. To do that, you will have to be aligned with the compassion and wisdom of Essence and not the "sympathy" of the ego.